Last Sunday marked the beginning of Advent. A season that reminds us of God’s power to redeem and bring light to the darkest places. Today we’re celebrating the opportunity Prodigals has to partner in God’s work to come alongside individuals eager to experience His healing in their lives, sometimes when they feel they are at their darkest point. We are delighted to share a testimonial from Derek who found Prodigals through our Online Homecoming Meeting. His story speaks to the power of Prodigal’s 12-Step Recovery Groups, the impact of our mentors, and how our program works to not just help men get ‘sober’, but also leads men to authentic relationship with God and others.
This is Derek’s Story…
“My journey at Prodigals began while I was living overseas. I was in a destructive pattern – jumping into sexual addiction and lust and not knowing how to escape. I didn’t have an accountability system and I longed for friends who could provide safe support. My relationship with God was scattered. I gauged the status of my relationship by how good I felt. I was stuck in an addictive cycle and felt alone and without any vibrant spiritual connection to God. My whole life was a wreck. I was mad at the members of my family and full of despair. I was seeing a counselor just to try to feel better and looking for a way to get picked up by my own bootstraps. Each day was a depressing cycle of wondering if I would dive into some sort of lust filled temptation, and wondering if I would get mad at loved ones around me. Sleep was harder and harder to find in. I knew that something had to change.
Prodigals Online Homecoming SA Recovery Meeting meets every Saturday morning via Zoom. To learn more, visit https://prodigalsinternational.org/online-homecoming-group/
The Prodigals Difference – Previously, I had been a part of three or four different Christian accountability programs. I was a wandering traveler. I would dip into those programs and then go to something else for a while. I knew if I was going to change, I needed something rigorous, something Christian, and something safe. A friend recommended me to Prodigals and I immediately realized a new home in the seriousness and structure of the on-line group. I was comforted by safe and sincere men who were looking for a healthy relationship with God. The online group was simple but powerful. I heard a ten-minute teaching, I got to ground some struggles, and then learned some more facts about recovery. A few men reached out to me personally, and helped me understand some of the differences between Prodigals and my previous groups. They helped me understand that in Prodigals I would learn how to be extremely honest about my condition. In the mentorship program I learned how to write an honest inventory about my behaviors. Men also made accommodations for me since I was living overseas. They showed me grace and compassion by reflecting their own struggles. They helped me see how I spent a lifetime denying some basic character defects, such as anger, insulting, and self-loathing.
The Power of Mentorship – My mentorship program took about 18 months. It began with step zero where I learned how to personally reflect on practical books about my recovery. This helped me see how valuable it was to make insightful entries about my condition. It also showed me how most of my life I would blame others or foster anger toward others. My mentor met with me once a week over zoom. He was kind but also convicting. We agreed to some straight forward boundaries that were tough but necessary for me to achieve honest sobriety. While at first these boundaries were annoying, today I enjoy these boundaries. For example, today I don’t watch TV. Even though I could watch TV today, I have discovered that it is a waste of time and that there are better relational activities for me that promote care and empathy. My mentor also helped me avoid relational situations with women that create ambiguity. He showed me that if I was flirting with women, that I was creating ambiguity and breaking a boundary, which would propel to breaking sobriety. I also have accountability software on my devices, which is a good reminder that I need my accountability brothers. My mentor showed me destructive patterns of blame in my speech patterns. Part of my program included calling him every day and I noticed that the way I talked to him started to change. I started talking about my daily temptations in an accurate ways without shifting the blame to others and without pretending to be in control.
To learn more about Prodigals’ sex addiction recovery program for men, visit https://prodigalsinternational.org/mens-program/
Grace Focused 12-Steps –The step work comforted me by showing that I was no different than my brothers who were powerless to change the state of chaos and anxiety. Steps one through three helped me realize all the ways I tried to fix myself without God’s help. In step four it was especially helpful for me to write a more honest inventory about my past behaviors. This exercise showed a crystal clear picture of my journey and reminded me how grateful I was for God’s care – despite my continuous short falls. After my inventory I worked on character defects in steps five through seven. I learned that I was ignoring others around me in ways that I was not aware of. I learned to have new compassion for my closest loved ones and to listen to them in new ways. Before I thought there was nothing else I could do to restore my sad condition. But my mentor helped me achieve sobriety, and after that, helped me understand my chaotic character defects. In steps eight through twelve, I began to to realize how to change my chaotic defects. My mentor helped me make meaningful amends to my loved ones and I can say with confidence that my relationships have never been the same. I feel a closeness today that I thought I would never achieve.
Transformation and Healing – Prodigals brought me through this journey while enforcing truths of God revealed in the Bible. I was reminded of God’s care and unconditional love and saving grace. Today I feel protected by my Band of Brothers in Prodigals. My life is still sometimes scattered. I work from home and am trying to find better balance in a house full of teenagers. But I am encouraged to attend weekly meetings, and am blessed to help other men who are going through a journey just like mine. At Prodigals we don’t believe that anybody has a story that’s much different than our own. When it comes down to it, our struggles are strikingly similar. Prodigals is a group of humble men with solid boundaries, who will be with me for the rest of my life. This is extremely necessary and causes me to be forever grateful.”
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