FAQ’s for Women Who Have Discovered Sexual Infidelity

Explore insightful answers to common questions for women navigating the complexities of spousal sexual infidelity, including guidance on confronting addiction, understanding codependency, and growing in your personal healing. Join Prodigals International’s Women’s Program – a proven program for compassionate support and lasting recovery. From surviving to thriving. It is possible.

What is sex addiction?
  • Sex addiction is a compulsive behavior used to cope with underlying emotional issues like stress or trauma. It’s not about pleasure, but about seeking a temporary “fix” through sexual activity.
  • You can find more details on sex addiction at The International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP): https://iitap.com/
  • I found pornography on our computer. What should I do?
    Finding pornography can be a sign of your husband’s struggle. Consider a calm conversation about what you found and how it makes you feel. You can also seek support from a therapist or coach specializing in betrayal trauma.
  • My pastor says I need recovery. Why?
    Infidelity can be traumatizing. Recovery helps you process the pain and rebuild your emotional well-being, regardless of what choices you make about the relationship.
  • What is codependency?
    Codependency is a pattern of unhealthy behavior where someone focuses on meeting another person’s needs at the expense of their own. It is important to know that codependent traits are very similar to the effects of betrayal trauma.
  • I gained weight and worry I’m unattractive. Is that why he cheated?
    Infidelity is rarely about your appearance. It’s about your husband’s choices. Focus on self-care and rediscovering your own value, not blaming yourself.
  • My pastor says more Bible study is the answer to recovery from sex addiction. Is that enough?
    Faith can be a source of strength, but professional help is crucial for addressing the underlying issues driving the addiction.
  • How can I make my husband go to counseling?
    You can’t force him, but you can encourage him by expressing your concerns and suggesting resources. Ultimately, he needs to make the decision to get help.
  • He doesn’t want me to tell anyone about his addiction. What do I do?
    Keeping secrets can be suffocating. Consider confiding in a trusted friend, pastor or therapist/coach for support. You don’t have to go through this alone.
  • I want to know all the details. Why shouldn’t I?
    Obsessive details can be retraumatizing and triggering. Focus on healing yourself and let your husband take responsibility for his actions.
  • He’s also drinking and gambling. What’s going on?
    Often, addictive behaviors co-occur. He might be using multiple means to cope with deeper issues.
  • Can I ever trust him again?
    Trust can be rebuilt, but it takes time, commitment, and a willingness from your husband to work on his recovery.
  • Is there hope for our relationship?
    There is always hope, but you can’t force reconciliation. Focus on your own healing and decide what’s best for you.
  • The anger and hurt are overwhelming. Will it ever get better?
    Yes, with time and support, the intensity of these emotions will diminish. Consider journaling or therapy to process your feelings.
  • Are my children safe?
    Most sex addicts are not attracted to children. However, a therapist can help you assess your specific situation and develop safety plans if needed.
  • How can I protect my children?
    Open communication and age-appropriate discussions about boundaries and healthy relationships are important. A therapist or coach specializing in trauma can provide guidance.
  • Are there women sex addicts?
    Yes, sex addiction can affect both men and women. The underlying issues and behaviors might differ slightly. For addition help and information on female sex addiction, we recommend Bethesda Workshops (bethesdaworkshops.com)

You are not alone.  Healing is possible.